i turned 30 yesterday

a lot of people ask if you feel any different, mostly i think because its just what people ask on your birthday. when i think back, i do feel different to when i was younger, but i dont think human brains work that way.

i think i’ve grown a lot in 30 years, but i can’t tell if its because im older, or if its because being older comes with experiencing new things. which is to say, i probably felt 30 when i was 25, cuz you go through a lot of shit growing up autistic and traumatised, and you lose a lot of that Youthful Exuberance when bad things happen to you. we think about age as a number thats also a descriptor of how a person should be, but i think you could get a bunch of 30 year olds and ask people to guess how old they are and you’d get every answer from 15 to 50.

no idea where i’m going with this, other than: i am Older, and that means something, probably.

happy belated birthday to me, and to all my birthday twins